If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
