I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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