i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
