You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You pole danced in your parka.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
