Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
