Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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