Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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