I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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