i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
