its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
