so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
