I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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