I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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