FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
the night ended with taco bell and tears
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
