dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
