there's paper in my vomit.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Randomize
