**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
