Apparently you make a good broom.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Randomize
