____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
