I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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