hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
