Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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