I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
