so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
