so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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