no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
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WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
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You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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