My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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