ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
