I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.