you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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