i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.