no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS