I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
