Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
