It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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