ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
