I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
honey bunches of taint.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
