Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Apparently you make a good broom.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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