i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
