At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
