that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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