Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
