uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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