I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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