:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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