i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
