Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
