highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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