you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Randomize
