Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Randomize
