You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
