you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
