A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
