Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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