GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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