I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
