Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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