i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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