We're like a lot better than the average bears
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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