i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Boobs speak an international language.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
