My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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