I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize