went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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