porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
