the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
