the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
