There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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