My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
