what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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