i think i have herpe
just one?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
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I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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