If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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