Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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