All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It's shark week go big or go home
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
