Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
