The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
