I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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