He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
