I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
