i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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