Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
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We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
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I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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