Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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