There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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