if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
