You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
