Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
