I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
